Ideas on Human Flourishing

Jay Sears’ Remarks from Renaissance Weekend

As 2011 draws to a close I’m reflecting on the highlights of my year.  Among them was attending Renaissance Weekend for the first time over Labor Day weekend.  ”Ren Weekend” is an ideas festival attended by super accomplished leaders.  To my delight, my lack of credentials went unnoticed by the invitation committee and thus I had the privilege of attending.  Renaissance Weekend felt like a series of intimate seminars at a top-tier MBA program except most people have grey (or white) hair and far less ego.  Throughout the weekend I was captivated by big ideas, engaged in invigorating debates, and inspired to fulfill my potential.

Jay Sears‘ ”final remarks” were a highlight of the weekend.  Jay shared them with everyone who attended as though his lease on life were about to expire.  I share them here with Jay’s permission in hopes they inspire you to live with greater intentionality in 2012:

“These are my final remarks to my wife, and wisdom to my children and my, yet unborn grandchildren.  Maybe some of these words may resonate with you.

Unfortunately, I stand here as a half- complete  50 year old man.  I was so sure that I would live to at least 90, that I put off the development of my better half until I was 45.
As an over-achieving Type A workaholic with low self-esteem, I was driven to succeed. And by worldly standards, I have achieved well more than my fair share.

But success came at a price; the energy that fueled that success, was largely a case of misplaced energy.  I thought that I  could squeeze more into a day and still have all of that quality time with my wife and kids, but as you know, it didn’t work that way.  We make calendar choices very day; and something wins your time and someone loses your time.  And you don’t get a do-over; life moves on.

Success alone doesn’t make you feel good about yourself.  I learned way too late, that I feel best about myself when I can use my time, talent and treasure to uplift others and maybe help change the trajectory of their lives.

Don’t wait to be secure and successful, before you make a difference in people’s lives. You may end up achieving neither.

Be guided by hope and not by fear, but don’t be stupid, be prepared!  As you always heard me say, luck happens when preparation meets opportunity.

But don’t be afraid to fail.  I failed big and often, and my failures were my greatest learning experiences.

Solicit input from opposing voices.  It is possible that, in spite of your brilliant education and resume, that you are wrong.

Build a reputation upon a core of strong values and character and defend it fiercely.  It will be your greatest asset.  Make hand shake deals and stick to them.

Be a do’er.  The world has enough academics; put your dreams and passions into action and build something that you and your family can be proud of.

But don’t let money and wealth be your goal.  These are bi-products of success, not the measure of success.

Find great partners for business and life, and be a great partner.  In business, it is much more enjoyable to share the experience with a partner.  You also realize along the way, that you couldn’t have done it yourself anyway.

In life, be a great partner to your spouse, you both married well.  I married way over my head and I failed to appreciate her in so many ways.  I had planned to spend my second half making it up to her; don’t make the same mistake.

Take care of your mother, she devoted 25 years of her life to guiding you through the challenges of your childhood.  She modeled a life of the highest values, unconditional love and compassion for the powerless.

I regret that I seem to have run out of time;  I was quite sure that the best was yet to come.

Live large, but always do what your mother tells you to do.

I love you all,

Dad”

  • http://blog.foundersnetwork.com Kevin Holmes

    Kevon, thanks for sharing Jay’s wisdom and giving us a glimpse into Ren Weekend. I would love to repost this to our followers on the fnBlog.

    • ksaber

      Thanks for the offer Kevin – I’ll take you up on it.

  • Dominique

    Hi Kevon,

    I enjoyed the article that Andre sent to me that you posted about Sears’. Was he an exec or founder at a Silicon Valley company? If so, which?

    Love,
    Dominique and family

    • ksaber

      Jay is a co-founder and executive at NewQuest Properties in Texas.

  • http://www.openspectruminc.com Sean Tario

    Thank you for sharing Kevon. Very moving and powerful words indeed. It’s definitely quite a challenge finding that balance between focusing on growing our business and maintaining a comfortable/happy home with wife and kids. How can we best support one another to hold each other accountable to this extent?

    • ksaber

      Sean, Thanks for your reply. While I appreciate the heart of the tension you described, I wonder if making success, happiness, and comfort top priorities is at the root of the problem. The only ways I’ve found really helpful are to reflect deeply, and journaling helps me toward this end, and to invite friends to tell me when I’m placing certain priorities higher than I aspire to.

  • Andre Crisp

    Very moved by what is written…

    I’m a 31 year old, type-A achiever who’s lived most of my adult life chasing worldly successes in business, not developing myself emotionally. I’ve justified my life-choices by telling myself “I’ll learn how to love & be loved later, what really matters is that I build a strong financial base”.

    Here I am at 31, possessing a degree of busines strengths & acumen, totally undeveloped in my ability to manage and maintain a close & meaningful romantic relationship…that is preventing me from starting a family, they very thing I’ve been working so hard for.

    Mr. Sears words to his family brought me to tears when I was reading the post to my sister & her husband today. We put ourselves in his shoes for a moment & felt the sorrow of loss because the time for Mr. Sears to make up for lost time had run out.

    This speaks volumes to me because as I’m broaching the possibility of starting my own family, this short writing gives me a clearcut Terrence point that is super relevant to me. Men who have the desire to be great fathers & husbands from all walks of life can benefit from this, the wives of these men can benefit from this too.

    Andre Crisp

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=725835238 Annie Saber

    Great advice to start the New Year!

  • Chad Arimura

    Very moving… Thanks for sharing Kevon. It’s so easy to forget what’s important as we move through our high-paced professional lives and stories like this help refocus ourselves. Any chance there’s a video capture of his closing remarks?

    • Anonymous

      Unfortunately Ren Weekend is “off the record” so nothing is recorded. The retreat norms require permission from each speaker to even quote them online.

  • http://www.junkyardwisdom.com/ Roy

    Great post!  But there is a nuance missing.  He says, “But don’t let money and wealth be your goal.  These are bi-products of success, not the measure of success.”  It’s a good sentiment but not applicable to everybody’s situation.  I’m not convinced that money is a bi-product for every endeavor.  We all know people who live incredibly successful lives who are unable to point to any accumulation of wealth.  Granted, if you are in business then wealth is one yardstick to use.  But that’s not the situation for most people in the world.  But other than that nit-picky comment, great thoughts!

    • Anonymous

      Great point Roy. I think Jay would agree with you. You’ll have to find out next time you’re in Houston. I’m pretty sure the Gobles and Sears would enjoy each other, and would be surprised if you don’t share a few philanthropic investments.